Friendships in childhood and adolescence
Friendships, when the social world shifts.
Friendship trouble is among the most painful things that can happen in a school year, and among the most underestimated. Often there is no incident and no one to be cross with. A friendship has not broken so much as quietly dissolved, and a child is left with a kind of loneliness adults can easily miss.
What it can look like
How it tends to show
These are the patterns we meet most often, and the ones parents tend to miss in the first few weeks.
From pairs to groups
Somewhere between the ages of 7 and 12, children tend to move from inseparable pairs into wider groups. One child often moves before the other, and the one left behind can feel rejected for something they have not done. It is painful, and very common.
Pulling back from the group
The child who has started to hang back at break, or finds reasons to miss the party they would once have counted down to. It is easily missed, because they are still going to school and still being friendly.
The group chat that turned
The teenager who has been quietly left out of a chat they were part of last term. The cost is private and persistent, and often invisible to adults until much later.
Losing a best friend
When a closest friend moves on, a child can grieve in a way they rarely have words for. It often shows up somewhere else: stomach aches, reluctance to go to school, sleep that has gone.
The over-managed friendship
The child who has begun to manage every interaction carefully, for fear of getting it wrong. Often a sign that their social confidence has taken a harder knock than anyone realised.
How we can help
Where support can start
Most friendship difficulty eases with time and steady support at home. Some of it benefits from a conversation with a therapist, particularly where social anxiety, or a child’s sense of their own worth, is starting to take shape.
For your child
Therapy, in school or online
One-to-one sessions for your child, usually in school during the school day, or online for older young people. Where it helps, and with your agreement, our therapists can think with the school’s pastoral team about the day around your child, while protecting your child’s trust.
How therapy worksFor you
A parent consultation
Watching a child struggle socially can stir a great deal in a parent. A consultation gives you space to think about what you are seeing, and how best to stand beside them.
Parent consultationsTo read
The friendships shelf in The Parent Book
Chapters by our therapists, among them one for when a best friend moves on, with quick tips, sheets to print, and books to read with your child. Part of it is free to read and to print, including what to do first and the first chapter you open; the rest comes with a subscription.
Open the shelfWhen to get in touch
When it is more than a falling-out
Most friendship trouble passes. Some becomes part of a wider difficulty. These are signs that a short conversation with us is worth having.
- The difficulty has lasted more than three or four weeks, and is changing your child’s mood at home.
- Sleep, eating or reluctance to go to school has appeared alongside it.
- Your child has begun to talk about themselves in a new way: “nobody likes me”, “I’m boring”.
- Social anxiety is starting to look like the larger story.
- You would value a therapist thinking alongside you before it settles into something larger.
Where there are physical symptoms, changes in eating or weight, or low mood that does not lift, please talk to your GP as well.
If you are unsure, a short email is the simplest place to start. Every enquiry is read personally, and we aim to reply within one working day.
If this is urgent
Kensington Square Therapy is not a crisis service. If you or your child is in immediate danger, call 999.
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If you need help right now
If you or your child is in immediate danger
999Call 999
If either you or your child is in a mental health crisis
NHS 111England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000
If your child is under 19 and needs to talk to someone themselves
Childline0800 1111
If you are worried that a child is being harmed or is at risk
NSPCC Helpline0808 800 5000
If you would prefer to text rather than speak
ShoutText SHOUT to 85258
If you or someone you are worried about needs someone to talk to
Samaritans116 123
Begin
Not sure where to start?
Tell us a little about your child. We will listen first, then suggest what might fit, including whether we are the right people to help.