The 11+ year
When the 11+ year weighs on a child.
The 11+ year asks a great deal of a 10-year-old. A child who has been settled for years is asked to compete for a place they cannot yet picture, and the year can reach into sleep, friendships and the family kitchen at six on a Tuesday.
What it can look like
Patterns we see each year
Parents arrive with their own versions of the same few patterns. These are the ones we meet most often.
The Sunday evening tightening
An ache before the week begins, stomach aches at bedtime, a child who was fine in September and is not fine by January. Often a sign that the pressure has outgrown what the child can comfortably carry.
Perfectionism, sharpening
A child measuring themselves against their own last best score, so that even a good result feels like falling short.
Thoughts that arrive with the dark
The waiting list, a friend whose mock went better, what happens if they do not get in.
Friendships under strain
A child whose closest friend has an early offer they do not. Friendships that have held for years can suddenly carry new weight.
Carrying the adults’ worry
The child who is managing a parent’s anxiety more than their own. Often among the most articulate children in Year 6, doing emotional work that is not theirs to do.
How we can help
Support through the year
Any one of these can help during the year, and they can be used together.
For your child
Therapy, in school
One-to-one sessions with a therapist who knows the 11+ year well, in school during the school day, with parent consultations alongside if helpful. The sessions are about how your child is coping with the year, not exam technique.
How therapy worksIn school
11+ wellbeing groups
Small, structured groups for pupils in Year 5 and Year 6, led by an experienced KST therapist during the school day. Comparison, perfectionism and uncertainty can be named in a contained setting, alongside others carrying the same year. If your child’s school does not run them yet, tell us; we are always glad to talk with a school.
11+ groupsTo read
The school stress shelf in The Parent Book
Chapters by our therapists, including one on the 11+ year itself, with quick tips, things to do together and sheets to print. Part of it is free to read and to print, including what to do first and the first chapter you open; the rest comes with a subscription.
Open the shelfWhen to get in touch
When the year weighs too heavily
There is no threshold a child has to cross before this conversation is worth having. These are signs it may help sooner rather than later.
- The year has begun to shape the family week, from the meals to the conversations.
- Sleep has gone, or eating has changed, or both, since the autumn.
- Your child talks about not wanting to disappoint you, and you can feel it.
- You are carrying more about the assessment than feels useful to your child.
- The school has been in touch, and you would value a therapist thinking alongside you.
Where there are physical symptoms, changes in eating or weight, or low mood that does not lift, please talk to your GP as well.
If you are unsure, a short email is the simplest place to start. Every enquiry is read personally, and we aim to reply within one working day.
If this is urgent
Kensington Square Therapy is not a crisis service. If you or your child is in immediate danger, call 999.
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If you need help right now
If you or your child is in immediate danger
999Call 999
If either you or your child is in a mental health crisis
NHS 111England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000
If your child is under 19 and needs to talk to someone themselves
Childline0800 1111
If you are worried that a child is being harmed or is at risk
NSPCC Helpline0808 800 5000
If you would prefer to text rather than speak
ShoutText SHOUT to 85258
If you or someone you are worried about needs someone to talk to
Samaritans116 123
Begin
Not sure where to start?
Tell us a little about your child. We will listen first, then suggest what might fit, including whether we are the right people to help.